The National Park Tour

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Once upon a time, 

Two women were frustrated with the way things were going. In the middle of a worldwide pandemic, three months into its actualization, the world was in between a complete halt and the too-quick spinning of tires on gravel roads. SARS-CoV-2 (the novel coronavirus, COVID-19) cases were rising, but with the onslaught of summer, people were ruefully optimistic that with the hotter weather, the virus, like so many before it, would have a harder time of surviving. The flu is most common in the winter, after all. Scientists argued this would not be the case, but scientists did not have their constituents to answer to amidst a historical election year. And the people wanted to live life without masks, without hands rubbed raw from hand sanitizer that started to smell like tequila, and without fear. 

So one day, one of the women came home from work, cheeks flushed. She ran the whole way. “What if we drive?” The question had no context. 

“Drive where?” The other responded, with some hesitation. 

“To Minnesota!” 

It was the end of June. Rachel just turned 29. The thing about entering into a year called a “nine-ender” (19, 29, 39, etc) means your mindset towards achieving goals shows you the precipice — anything is possible when you’re on the cusp of something unidentifiable. (The thing about Rachel is that she’s always been the most goal-oriented person I’ve ever encountered, disciplined and regimented in such a way that makes her an inspiration — so being in this brink was a recipe for adventure). Research shows that people aged in a nine-ender are twice as likely to compete in a marathon for the first time than any other age. During a time in which the world paused, but our internal time clocks still ticked towards the inevitable, where birthdays passed, and holidays were celebrated, but differently. We decided to take a two week road trip to Minnesota. Already feeling like we were running out of time, we planned it in 24 hours (making many calls to national park visitor centers), borrowed a tent, bought an inflatable air mattress and a lantern, made exactly 12 sandwiches, and got on the road.

The next 1,925 miles would be something I’ll treasure for the rest of my life. I won’t pretend that I wasn’t terrified. I have taken one cross-country road trip ever — as a third-wheel to a couple, to visit a friend I hadn’t seen in over a year, in Colorado. In contrast to the trip to Minnesota, I had taken pains to plan my first road trip over the span of months, and at least one of the friends on the trip was an experienced camper, well-equipped with a cooking grill we used to fry eggs in the morning. Rachel and I, on the other hand, both have an awkward-at-best sense of direction, but a deep desire to be fully immersed in a different way of life. 

A disclaimer: traveling, even by road, during a pandemic is risky. In our defense, this is what I now refer to as the “in-between” time — almost two months after the initial “safer-at-home” initiative that told us we shouldn’t go anywhere but the most essential businesses, things were opening up again. Indoor fitness studios were going to be operating at a reduced capacity. Restaurants were getting ready to seat outdoors, and non-essential retailers were reopening. National parks that had previously been not charging for admission were reintroducing fees. With all that to consider, while we knew Los Angeles cases were on the rise, we felt safe to take a road trip in Rachel’s personal vehicle, camping along the way, eating much of our own food, and spending most of our time in the great outdoors, while always wearing a mask.

Here are a few things I learned along the way: 

  • Leave room for things to go right. 
    • Have a general plan of action — destinations you’d like to see, hikes you’d want to accomplish (+ things like level of difficulty, length of time it would take for you personally to finish, and a route), and get an idea of when/where you’re eating. Besides that, allow for spontaneous decisions to be made! Your hike is actually closed? Ask whoever works there what’s the best hike to do for the amount of time you have — ex. “So, what’s the deal?”
    • But also, do a little research on logistics. Consider opening and closing times on national parks or other attractions. Which visitor centers are open, and have their website hours been altered (look for a “Last Updated” timestamp). When is check in for Airbnbs or campsites/what are the directions on how to do so. Does your campsite have a shower and flush toilet? Know how far the distances between your destinations are, so you know how long you’ll be driving, and what time it’ll be when you get somewhere.  You don’t want to end up too tired to hike if hiking is what you’re looking forward to the most! Account for time zones! Arizona also doesn’t accommodate daylight savings time. Consider the weather! When a thunderstorm rolls in and you have a mostly metal tent and the lightning looks closer than you’ve ever seen it, know to pack it up! Make sure your budget includes a few emergency hotel stays if you’re predominantly camping — summer in California is different from the wet heat of a summer in South Dakota. 
  • Download a lot of audiobooks and podcasts. When you’re on long stretches of empty road, there’s only so much to talk about. (Even though Rachel and I are both very interesting people.) Plus, you won’t have service sometimes. Pre-downloading helps make sure you don’t get stuck on a windy mountainside without a distraction. You can also do what Rachel and I do: listen to parts of a podcast, and pause whenever you have something to contribute to the conversation. And a bonus benefit: occasionally there will be the incessant sound of a cicada outside of your tent you need to drown out with something boring enough to put you to sleep — in Rachel’s case it was The Fiery Trial: Abraham Lincoln and American Slavery by Eric Foner. 
  • Remember the stories that will come from the unexpected. 
    • I wouldn’t be writing this blog if the following things didn’t happen: 
    • Getting the sprinklers turned on at us (twice!) at 5am in Colorado when we couldn’t find our designated campsite and had to pitch a tent in a garden next to a parking lot. Soaking wet from getting half-waterboarded, we had to pack everything up and start our drive to Arizona much earlier than intended. At the moment, we were annoyed with the whole situation, but when we were retelling the story afterwards, tears were in the eyes of our friends from laughing so hard. 
    • Rachel’s car battery died, and we met angels who helped get us to our next destination, where we could safely get her car battery changed. A husband and wife who happened to be in town on a work trip — the husband built and installed headstones for graveyards. Rachel went up to his pickup truck because it almost looked like a tow-machine. He had everything anyone might need for a car repair, cables and screws and gadgets galore. The wife told us stories of the two of them falling in love and combining their families (second marriage for both of them) and were so excited to hear that Rachel is a comedian, because they love to laugh. The absolute determination of the man to get us on the road is a kindness I’ll never forget. 
    • Coming face-to-face with a wild moose in the middle of the Rocky Mountains, quickly approaching dusk. Just Rachel and I were hiking back down to the trailhead, a race against the setting sun, not wanting to get lost on a trail in the dark. We were on a high from being in such a beautiful place, where everything was working out so wonderfully, where the trees were the greenest I’ve ever seen, and the views were endless. Almost running down the side of a mountain, giddy as can be, when we turn a corner and I truly stop dead in my tracks, my hand jutting out to block Rachel from going any further. Here’s the thing about mooses and me: this isn’t my first rodeo, and I’ve come close enough to a moose to make eye contact on at least one other occasion. I certainly don’t recommend it. About 2-3 people die in moose-related incidents a year. Not many by statistical standards, but enough to understand that in the fight against nature, nature will always win. Anyway, we scaled the side of the mountain and let the moose continue on her hike. And we lived to tell the tale. 
  • If you happen to have friends in other states, visit them! Time doesn’t exist! One of my dearest friends lived on a ranch outside of the Grand Tetons near Jackson Hole, Wyoming for the summer. She was one of the chefs and our trip happened to coincide with the ranch’s single day off before guests began to arrive. A simple text that asked, “Any tips on Yellowstone?” with a response that read, “Skip it, come to the Tetons instead — it means big titties.” And voila, a local to take us on an unforgettable trip to a place that 1) wasn’t even on our list and 2) we wouldn’t even know where to begin on how to go if we did ever make it. The chance to make new memories with someone who means so much to me is absolutely priceless.
  • Like with all traveling, try a few new things! Whether it’s a new kind of food or a new activity, take the opportunity to do something you’ve never done before! If you’ve never been hiking, research hikes that have been rated as easy, and know you can turn back at any time. Kayak on a lake that mirrors the snow-topped mountains alongside it. Swim in a lake! See murals and art. Do things out of the ordinary.
  • If you’ve never been on a longish-term trip with a partner or close friends, remember that when things get frustrating or aren’t going your way — you’re on a team. It’s you and your loved one(s) against the situation, not you versus them. When you’re hungry and the restaurant forgot half of your food and you’re already a state away, and you’re driving through a forest that literally will not end — know that everyone’s doing their best. 
  • And most importantly of all — have fun! You never know when’s the next time you’ll be able to take such an excursion! The world is in a way that we’ve never understood it to be. That will go down in history books. Between a pandemic that killed 1.7 million people worldwide, the civil unrest that came to light after the murders of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, and Ahmaud Arbery, among so many more (including the ones we don’t know the names of), and our own personal tragedies and anxieties, to be able to see some of the most beautiful places this country has to offer is something to cherish.

Please enjoy just a few pictures from the trip of an absolute lifetime. I hope you enjoy.

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How to Survive Quasi-Quarantine

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At this point of the pandemic that’s still affecting our everyday lives, we have a slightly better handle of our sanity as compared to March. Seven months ago, things were a lot more uncertain. That was when I left my job on the day of a storm and drove home, confused and unsure of what even the next week would look like. When lines at the grocery store stretched towards the dairy section, all the way in the back, and nonperishables like rice and pasta were sold out for weeks. When we were a little more scared, when everything changed from day to day, at the drop of a hat.

Today, unfortunately, cases are still on the rise. At time of writing (mid-October 2020), 215,000 Americans have died from the novel coronavirus, and one estimate projects the number could be upwards of 390,000 by February. Some places globally are doubling back on their lockdown measures. The United States has seen over 300,000 new cases in the last week alone. Winter is around the corner and the regular flu (of the influenza viruses, and not the SARS-CoV-2 virus) is still affecting people. With this in mind, we may end up quarantining for quite a while, so let’s try to make the most of it, I suppose!

While this isn’t the case for everyone, and it comes from a place of privilege to feel this way, nowadays, I’ve gotten used to being home and we have a better idea of what to expect from our county officials. Full disclosure — I live in Los Angeles. I worked at a national fitness studio. I went back to my job for three days during what I call the “in-between” time, when the state government was feeling pressure to reopen some places that were deemed non-essential during the first go-around of  lockdown, such as nail salons and gyms. Since then, California has kept some things open, such as shops and allowed outdoor dining, but closed high-contact locations, like gyms. This time, I was grateful. Knowing that cases were worse than the initial lockdown in March but things were opening up again honestly stressed me out. 

So, I’m glad we got the formalities out of the way. The following is a list of things you can do to stay a little more sane, but with the caveat that you are either working a lot less, or not at all, and have the privilege and mental capacity to do anything outside of wondering how you’ll pay rent or put food on the table. If nothing at all, let these options be a distraction.

  1. Find a hobby and let it become your entire personality. Mine became cooking and creating. I’ve prioritized making my own meals for a few years now, since moving away from my hometown and out of my parent’s house. I’ve recently started to prioritize making visually appealing foods, as well, and photographing what I eat a little more. More as a hobby and something fun to share and build a community out of, but during quarantine, I made an instagram for what I made and began posting almost every day. I also had the time to experiment with more difficult recipes, as well. Some weren’t that good (Israeli couscous), but some were amazing (risotto). 

  1. Take a road trip and camp at your destination. Pack your own food, or practice the same social distancing measures at a local grocery store that you would for your own. An unexpected silver lining to the pandemic is that people are traveling less often. Have you ever tried to book a last-minute reservation at a campsite? It’s usually all but impossible. However, now you can! Occasionally even at national parks. Most of them are still booked out, but you can find campsites outside of the park if you’re willing to drive a little ways. (A guide to national parks, the other aspect of my entire personality, will be coming soon!) 
  1. Learn a new skill. Coursera and edx are great resources that offer free classes in just about anything you can think of. From learning search engine optimization (SEO), food and health classes, the science of well-being, as well as so many others. They’re all published by accredited universities like Harvard and UC Davis, and most are completely free. (You can pay for a certificate if it’s in your field, or you’d like to focus on a career switch!) Khan Academy is also an incredible free tool to learn about school subjects. Masterclass is another resource, but definitely at the pricier side. Keep an eye out because every once in a while they have promotions such as one I snagged a little earlier this year — one year for $1 with a .edu email address! Skillshare offers many free classes, but many are also under their premium subscription services. They sponsor a lot of youtubers and podcasts that usually offer a free month trial with their promotion codes. I used skillshare.com/prettybasic (Alisha Marie & Remi Cruz’s podcast) for two free months of premium, but if you have podcasters you’d like to support, I bet they have a promo code as well!
  1. Get (or stay) as active as possible. This could look like just going out for a walk around the block. Hiking trails were closed for a time here in California (again, because people couldn’t act right) which forced us to get creative. The Peloton app gives everyone a 30-day free trial where they showcase all of their workouts, with or without equipment, as well as yoga, meditation, and coaching if you took up running outside. There are also many at home workouts available for free on Youtube and Instagram. If you have a park or a green space outside, I encourage you to just get outside and get some vitamin D!
  1. Romanticize the every day. Or at least one day. Pick a day where you take your time making your coffee, or tea, in the morning. Journal or meditate or read while you drink your beverage slowly. Spend the day doing things that center around you and what you love, whatever that looks like for you. Take some time to watch the sunrise or the sunset while they’re still visible. Listen to music on a drive. Use fun shower accessories and really take a deep dive into your skincare game, especially if this is a place you’ve neglected before. Even if it’s just moisturizing your entire body or brushing your hair. Take your time and assign intentions to your movements. 
  1. Read. I’ve always been an avid reader, with some periods of time when I didn’t have the time to read as much as I would have liked. But this year, I feel like I’ve read more in the past year than I have in a long time. I’m going to make a separate post for all the books I’ve read throughout quarantine, and a few all-time favorites that will make anyone want to get lost in someone else’s story. I use the Overdrive app (Libby also works) on my nook to borrow books (for three weeks at a time) using my library card. Because libraries have been closed, you’re able to sign up for a temporary library card through the app so you can borrow books, as well! 
    • If you’re someone who prefers hard copies of books, check out https://littlefreelibrary.org to see where “little libraries” are in your neighborhood. The idea is: you take a book, you leave a book, so there’s a constant circulation of books in your area. You have something new  to read, and it’s totally free. Support your local bookstore if you can, as well! I usually shop at used bookstores for affordable fiction. They may not have recent releases, but oftentimes will have bestsellers and even cheaper than you would find at Amazon. 
  1. Do your best to stay connected. Even living with two people (one of them even being my girlfriend), I’ve found myself craving connection and a sense of community. Right now, the best we can do is have group zooms. I participate in weekly zooms with my girlfriend’s family where we catch up on the week and talk about what we’re looking forward to in the upcoming week. It’s necessary to focus on the positive as much as possible. You can also watch movies together or play games that you don’t need tools for (think road trip games) to keep your mind off what’s happening in the world. Or, in the very best case scenario, have socially distant hangouts or picnics in outdoor common spaces, like the beach or a park. This is risky for a lot of people, because you have to trust that everyone else has not been in contact with anyone with even the possibility of contracting the novel coronavirus, so if there’s even an ounce of worry, stay home. Call your loved ones instead. 

To prevent the spread of this disease, don’t leave the house without a mask, and wear it. Maintain a safe distance from anyone you are not living with. Six feet or more. Do limit the amount of time you are in public, high-contact spaces. Do not assume you’re immune because you’re young and bored — you could be unknowingly spreading it. It’s advised this year, even more than in the past, to get a flu vaccine. While this isn’t a vaccine against COVID-19, it is still recommended as it will “reduce your risk from flu but also to help conserve potentially scarce health care resources,” according to the CDC. Wash your hands for at least 20 seconds. If you’re on the go, sanitize your hands with 60%+ alcohol.  Be safe and do your very best. 

All my love, 
Nazara

The Sun Down Motel by Simone St. James – A Review

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The Sun Down Motel was my favorite unexpected read this year. I don’t mean that I didn’t expect to read it, but I guess I should rather say that I wasn’t expecting to like it so much? As some of you have picked up on the pattern — I don’t look at lengthy reviews of books I haven’t read, and only rarely will read them after I decide I’m not going to finish a book (which also rarely happens). So, I had no idea how good this book was!

You all know I’m trying to read more contemporary literature. I have a hard time keeping up with the trends, nor do I really feel like I have to, but sometimes it’s fun talking about what other people are talking about. Hence — The Sun Down Motel, a novel by Simone St. James. Set dually between the early 1980s and 2017, the story is told from both the perspective of Carly (2017) and her Aunt Viv, who disappeared without a trace in a nowhere town in New York. The Sun-Down Motel is the last place Aunt Viv was known to be, having worked there for a few months on the night shift. After Carly’s mother, Viv’s sister, dies of cancer, Carly goes to Fell, New York to find answers. 

There, she finds that Fell is the only place in the contiguous United States without a stable internet connection, many of the local newspapers haven’t been digitally archived, and in a town where multiple young women are murdered, not everything is so cut-and-dry. The Sun Down itself seems to hold secrets of its own, sometimes coming alive, and simultaneously transporting you 35 years earlier. 

I normally don’t like an ending so tied together, but I would’ve hated probably any other ending. The story was truly spine-tingling, and I stayed up two hours past my usual bedtime finishing it. It was sad in some ways, yet vindicated in others. The author mostly answered any questions you might have at the end of a mystery thriller. I enjoyed the writing style overall, and it’s a great autumn-transitioning-into-winter read, as the nights get dark earlier, and you might be in the mood for something just a little spooky. The Sun Down Motel deserves a solid 4 out of 5 stars from me!

If interested in purchasing this book to read for yourself, considering buying from your local bookstore! My favorite is linked here. 

The Woman in Cabin 10

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The Woman in Cabin 10 came out in 2016, and I finally finished it this month. 

Here’s a general preface — I don’t often read mystery/thriller/horror. At all. I’ll occasionally read something if it seems part of a cultural reset, like Gone Girl or Murder on the Orient Express. I found the book at my local Goodwill Bookstore for $1.50 and my girlfriend had the paperback copy, so we decided to read it together on our weekend getaway to Big Bear. Even though this book takes place on a luxury cruise ship, it still felt apt to read it in a cabin. 

A quick summary: Laura “Lo” Blacklock is a travel journalist whose big break may be coming up in the form of the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to aboard the maiden voyage of the Aurora, a boutique yacht set to sail on the seas of Norway, under the famed Aurora Borealis. The ship is filled with press, royalty, and the extremely wealthy, spread over ten opulent cabins. The story begins, however, with a burglary that’s meant to undermine everything Lo says henceforward. Her experience being intruded upon in the middle of the night makes her paranoid and afraid, so when she thinks she hears a passenger being thrown overboard, when she sounds the alarm — people only tentatively appease her. Couple her as a victim with a drinking problem, and then add that she’s on medication for anxiety and depression — and you have a classic unreliable character. 

Unfortunately for Lo, not only is she established as an unreliable character, she’s unlikable. She possesses no charm or humor, and she isn’t described as overwhelmingly beautiful. Moreover, she’s vapid and shallow, and kind of a bitch to her boyfriend, without any real explanation. She was annoying and when a book is written in the “I” format, which I’m sure was a choice, you feel annoyed at all times. Overall, the writing to me felt lazy. There are one too many questions left at the end of the mystery, and yet not ones that really itch you to understand. Just questions that showcase the lack of good storytelling. I wasn’t ever gripped by the tale, and the twist was a little odd. A lot of reviewers on Goodreads compared the book to The Girl on the Train, which I genuinely cannot remember if I finished. So if that’s a book you’ve read and enjoyed, you may like The Woman in Cabin 10.

It reminded me sort of Agatha Christie’s Murder on the Orient Express in that there could only be a finite number of suspects for what had to have been the murder of at least one passenger aboard the cruise ship. However, I didn’t like that instead of keeping it to the finite number of passengers, and creating a backstory for each of those characters, the author decided to extend outwards to the entire staff, including the waitstaff and the sailors. There were too many details when you involve so many characters. It got repetitive in that regard, as well. The same questions, the same lack of credibility, and then suddenly Lo’s locked up somewhere. 

Perhaps it was also a little hard to follow in the beginning as I switched from reading a hardback cover, to listening to the audiobook (which mixed English, Norwegian, and New Jersey accents) and then finally as an e-book. So maybe that’s on me. The book received a 3.7/5 on Goodreads, and I could only give it a generous 2.5. It wasn’t a quick read for me, even though the language is easy to understand, just because of how unlikable Lo was. I’m glad I finished it to say I did, but I definitely couldn’t recommend it in good faith. That isn’t to say it’s a bad book, it just wasn’t quite my cup of tea.

Promptly after finishing this book and taking the necessary photo, I dropped it off at my local little library, perhaps for someone else to enjoy better than I did.

My Go-To Book Recommendations (Fiction)

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I’ve always loved reading. It’s hard to believe for most, but I’ve loved reading ever since I was a child. The oldest form of escape, I would spend entire summers walking to the library a few blocks away and stay up all night finishing novels. Think of the way Matilda discovered her local library, and would bring a wagon with her, quickly making her way through children’s books towards the classics. I still have a soft spot for Jane Eyre and A Tale of Two Cities… but also The BFG and Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events.

It also should be said that I veer towards books that make you feel something. Usually unmistakeable grief. I like a decent beach read the way anyone might, but I don’t find myself ever thinking about them again once the last page has been turned. (Ex: Books like Twilight by Stephenie Meyer and Crazy Rich Asians by Kevin Kwan come to mind.) Below are books that are always in the back of my brain somewhere, ones I readily recommend, especially to people who don’t read often, because these books just grip you one way or another. These are very brief descriptions of some of my all-time favorite books, but I encourage you to click on the links to their Goodreads pages and read in-depth reviews if you’d like a more encompassing synopsis and preview. You might also notice each are over 4 (out of 5) stars on Goodreads — trust me, I won’t lead you astray! Not on this “official” list, but I also highly recommend The Vanishing Half, by Brit Bennett, to which I dedicated its own post here. 

In Cold Blood by Truman Capote

Without further ado, my go-to list of all time favorite [fiction] recommendations! (I’ve also been reading a lot of nonfiction, so I will be compiling my list of favorite nonfiction recommendations as well!)

• In Cold Blood, Truman Capote 

A true-crime novel (Capote calls it the “non-fiction novel”) about a 1959 murder in Kansas; what makes it unique is the author interviews the men convicted of the crime and almost tells it from their point of view! It’s a chilling read in that regard; almost brings you inside the mind of the murderers, as Capote interviewed them multiple times while they were in jail. I read this as a junior in high school and it’s one of those books that has always stuck with me. I’ll forever recommend this book to people, especially considering how popular true crime has gotten since this book’s original publication in 1966. 

A Thousand Splendid Suns: Khaled Hosseini: 9781594489501: Amazon.com: Books

• A Thousand Splendid Suns, Khaled Housseini

Also well-known for his work, The Kite Runner, which is also very good but I personally prefer A Thousand Splendid Suns because it’s the story of two extremely strong women and their lives under pre/Taliban/post rule in Afghanistan and what it really means to endure and persevere for love. It’s heart-wrenching and will make you sick to your stomach, but I think it breathes empathy into us for people we will never know, though they deserve to have their stories heard. While this is technically categorized as fiction, there is no question that the way the main characters suffer is the way women in the Middle East still suffer today.

Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami

• Norwegian Wood, Haruki Murakami

This is probably Murakami’s most famous work — it tells the story of two people brought together by a common tragedy, and is written so vividly and beautifully, I wish it were something I read a long time ago and repeatedly afterwards. I always warn people of this book as I recommend it, because it is not best read for anyone with suicidal thoughts or deep sadness within them. It’s a hard book to read, not in skill level but it’ll ignite parts of you you may have wished remained dormant. However, if you have suffered and have made it to the other side of that hopeless suffering, you may like this. 

The Picture of Dorian Gray (Barnes & Noble Classics Series) by Oscar Wilde, Paperback | Barnes & Noble®

• The Picture of Dorian Gray, Oscar Wilde 

This book, written in the late 19th century, is a classic and was previously banned for its morally questioning character, but it’s written so phenomenally and not in the way most “classics” are. (i.e. boring and long-winded with too many characters to keep up with and a plot that happens in the background while you’re still trying to get through paragraph after paragraph of prose.) It’s a necessary read. The Picture of Dorian Gray is maybe surprisingly a quick read and just asks you to really consider the lengths to which you might go to be beautiful forever. However, I would also say you’ll take more from it if you spend the time to go through it’s pages with a careful and critical eye. Especially because the entire novel is completely quotable. Every other line is something you want to remember forever just for the combination of words that made their way into sentences. The language is biting and a touch cruel — you’ll disagree and be insulted because Wilde is talking about the detriments of humanity and you might think yourself above the disparage. But it is all relatable.  

“Live! Live the wonderful life that is in you! Let nothing be lost upon you. Be always searching for new sensations. Be afraid of nothing.”

An honorary (non-fiction) mention:

I Am Malala: The Story of the Girl Who Stood Up for Education and Was Shot by the Taliban by Malala Yousafzai

I Am Malala by Malala Yousafzai, who is the youngest Nobel Peace Prize winner for her role as a women’s education activist in Pakistan under Taliban rule, for which she was shot in the head by her own government and currently studies in exile at Oxford. This is her story, an autobiography that reads like poetry. It’s daunting to get through only because most people know what happens. You get to a certain part of the book, and then the rest of the time, you’re waiting for the attack. Which is nerve-wracking all by itself, and then you start to think about all of the ways women in most countries are attacked for speaking out in defense of God-given rights to live and to learn, and suffer furthermore by not doing so, and it’s easy to want to close your eyes to it all. But sometimes closing your eyes is akin to closing your hearts, and today, we’re living in a world where we must pay attention and be like Malala, fighting for the change we need.

The Vanishing Half, by Brit Bennett

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The Vanishing Half is the kind of story that when you read it, you find yourself having ached for it. The sort of satisfaction comes from knowing it the same as when you’ve had the lines of a song stuck in your head all day, and then you put to place where the lines were from. The same feeling when you see who you think is a stranger passing by, in a big city, or on a bus, or leaving a coffee shop, and then you realize, hours later, that they were a classmate of yours from ten years prior. Their familiar face, the last piece fitting seamlessly into the puzzle you made up in your head. That’s what it was like reading The Vanishing Half. 

After trying and failing to read American Dirt after finding out the white author was writing from the perspective of a Mexican woman, describing what she researched to be the trials and tribulations of making her way to el norte, it was deeply refreshing reading The Vanishing Half in good faith knowing a Black woman was writing about the experiences of Black women. The story is about a set of twins, so light they can pass as white as long as they don’t give themselves away. Stella and Desiree Vignes grow up in a town no one has heard of that doesn’t exist on a map. And maybe that’s why the town follows its own set of rules. A town full of descendants of Black people who have married lighter and lighter as the generations go, some with red hair and freckles and blue eyes, but still get treated as “colored” throughout the Jim Crow era, mourning the loss of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. in the Civil Rights Movement, and into times where things start to change and the darkest girl in town can become a doctor. But small towns get news last, and you have to leave to be successful. So the Vignes Twins disappear. And then, they separate. And they live with the choices they’ve made, that throw them into different worlds — one as a white woman, and one still “colored.” 

The Vanishing Half makes you think the story is about one twin disappearing from her other half, as twins are always labeled. And that’s part of it. But the novel goes over deeper issues behind systemic racism — how one woman can be just be as capable and intelligent as the next, but gets entirely dismissed because she marked “colored”  on her resume, where her identical twin sister lies to the world, and everyone accepts her as white. It’s about conforming to the person you are perceived to be. If the world sees you as white, you mold into that idea. If the world sees you as a “negro,” they’ll treat you just the same. 

But The Vanishing Half is about losing someone you love, and trying to figure out who you are outside of the person who completed you, or who made you, or who you attached your identity to — whether that’s a twin sister, or a father, or a husband, or a cousin you find in the middle of a city as big as Los Angeles who looks not only nothing like you, but your polar opposite. The book talks about improbability versus impossibility. Some things are improbable, but statistically they can’t be impossible. 

For what it’s worth, I loved this book. I would give it a solid 4.5/5 with my only criticism that it moved almost too quick. Sometimes so many things happened that I would get lost in something that was happening a chapter ago. I don’t know if that’s a reflection of me or the storyline, because I swallowed this book in a few days. I have since been reluctant to begin another novel because my brain is still in Mallard, Louisiana, taking in the memories that belong to other people, experiencing the losses every person in the story went through — their dreams or their children or the ideas of who they were or the people they loved the most. 

I’m not 100% sure which novel I’ll read next! This book has affected me almost profoundly, as someone who grew up in a country disconnected by generations to the culture that my parents clung to. There are parts missing, there’s an ever-vanishing part of immigrants, or children of immigrants, that now just exists before the Hyphen American. However, I did start Guns, Germs, and Steel by Jared Diamond, for which he won the general nonfiction Pulitzer Prize in 1997. Nonfiction takes me a long time to get through, however, which makes sense because I’m still a student at heart and take notes whenever I read anything nonfiction. I used to do that with fiction, too, but then I found I wasn’t finishing any books. So I’ll give you an update in 450 pages!

I come alive in the fall time

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Reasons why Fall is my favorite season. 

1) PUMPKIN + other seasonal goodies. 

I plan on doing a whole post on seasonal goodies you can get from your favorite local grocery stores, especially ones with funky goodies like Trader Joe’s. But it still deserves a mention. Yes, fall for your classic pumpkin spice latte. I truly will go to Starbucks a handful of times outside of the holidays, but I’ll make an exception for at least one pumpkin spice latte, just to be festive (with a pinch of basic). Growing up, I’d have the occasional pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving but never went nuts over the gourd, but once I was able to buy my own groceries, I just let myself really lean into pumpkin-flavored everything. I also just love apples (and apple cider!), brussel sprouts, beets, pomegranate, zucchini, and persimmons!

2) The weather. 

Granted, I grew up in a place where the weather was the same year round. Sometimes it would rain, and then it didn’t for a long time (the drought that was a long time coming). We would have a few weekends of nice weather, the “Indian” summer that came in late September into October. But at least 10 months out of the year were a crisp 65 degrees. I’m not sure why it felt different in the fall, but I love the excuse of bundling up in thrifted, oversized sweaters in patterns that remind you of your grandparents. 

3) The fashion.

And that isn’t to imply I’m a fashionista by any stretch of the imagination. But I do love the colors you get to incorporate into your wardrobe. I LIVE for burgundy, and am now in a place of security that I will wear it year-round, but it really thrives during Autumn. I love flannel, burnt orange, brown shades in your booties, mustard, and forest green. I’m still a huge proponent of the infinity scarf and a beanie with a pom on top. 

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August Kinder Beauty Box First Impressions!

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First thoughts time! 

This August Beauty Box was probably the first time I was disappointed by a box. As some of you know, Kinder Beauty Box is now releasing two options for boxes that get sent out at random. (I did notice that it seemed like the first batch of receivers got one box, and the second batch got the other box, so it seemed a little less “random” in that regard. And I don’t know how it’s determined who gets one over the over/who is in the first batch and who is in the second.) When I bought my 6-month prepaid subscription, this wasn’t the case, and everyone was only getting one box. However, with more people subscribing, Kinder released a statement that essentially said they would be able to highlight more clean, vegan products and to more people by releasing two boxes every month, rather than just one. We all know that that means you have a 50/50 chance now of getting a box you may not love.  

I got lucky in July with the box I preferred, but in August, I got the preferential shorter end of the stick. Also, I want to clarify that I do try to be surprised by these boxes, and not too heavily invested in looking at the two options before they come lest I get my heart set on one, and inevitably disappointed when the other one comes instead! The aforementioned is based on research I’ve done after the fact. Without further ado: first thoughts on… 

The Tulip Collection. 

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My Weight Loss Journey

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At my heaviest, I weighed about 180lbs. The weird thing, for me, about weight-gain is that you don’t realize as the days are passing that you’ve gained that much weight. I had a weird and sudden realization hit me in 2016 when I went to Hawaii. (Think dresses, shorts, bathing suits.) I hated how I looked in the vacation photos. Every photo. I remember thinking it was the angle or the lighting, but in hindsight, I realized it was because I didn’t love my body. Someone, and I wish I was kidding, came up to me and congratulated me on the baby. I’m embarrassed even typing that out. But still, honestly, it isn’t until I lost the weight that I knew how much bigger I had gotten, because nothing else changed. I was dating someone, so it isn’t as though I felt undesired, and my day-to-day activities were the same. I didn’t know I had, over not a long period of time, probably gained about 25-30 pounds.

I didn’t immediately get on a flight back to California and begin dieting. My weight-loss journey is something that’s been through the wringer and brought me strife for my entire life. Unfortunately, many women are trained at a young age to be unsatisfied with our growing bodies and taught to hate ourselves first. (Then we have to teach ourselves, much later, to love ourselves when this should be the default.) This was the case with me. I’ve always been chubby, or thought myself that way, because I wasn’t as thin as other young girls in my class.  So I, also unfortunately, have always lived in a “If only I lost 10 more pounds, then I’d be happy,” world. Weight will fluctuate forever. What’s significant is the confidence you gain when you’re happy with your body. But that won’t always come with weight loss. It comes from somewhere much deeper than that. That’s what this entire website hopefully will help you do — find ways to love yourself just a little more, every day.

Honestly, what I’m going to say might not forever resonate. It isn’t timeless advice. It’s advice that revolves around having time. I lost 30 pounds because I suddenly had the time to. Time to work out, time to cook my own meals, and time to continuously pack my own healthy snacks while I was at school or work. And I did do both, but with the trade-off that I didn’t really have friends or a social life. I got myself into a long-distance relationship so I didn’t worry about dating in a new environment either. Girl, I had the tiiiiiime. Below is what I looked like probably at my smallest.


(April, 2019 – My face is thinner and I’ve lost over 20 pounds)

This is what worked for me.

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